Firstly, I must point out this is not written about me (blimey, I wish it was)!
After watching a tonne of YouTube videos and reading numerous blog posts lately, there seems to be a common theme running through much of the content. With that in mind I decided to put together something a little different. Take this with a pinch of salt; it’s meant to be funny and somewhat light hearted. True but also fictitious.
I would love for you to read this post, share and let me know what you think. This is completely from the heart and hopefully something refreshing to laugh at this Bank Holiday.
Just on a side note, my heart is completely with Manchester at the moment and all the families affected. For as long as I live, my head will never comprehend why horrendous acts like this happen. So my thoughts are with you all. #lovealwayswins
It’s 8.17am. Somewhere in Central London.
Blogger surfaces. Makes an breakfast worthy of an instagram shot and her thoughts of the day ahead start to rattle around under all those highlights……..
Chanel. Saint Laurent. Dior. Tom Ford.
Bag collection video. I only have around 40 designer bags. The cheapest being around £700. I often wonder what I can spend my next paycheck on. After all three grand is nothing right? I mean that Gucci Dionysus. All those colours, patterns and prints. I could ‘pick it up’ in the 3 colours I am after. Perfect. Only around £8,400. Oh, that’s nothing. Those Gucci bags are totally worth that. Just means when I next fly to the Bahamas I’ll have to fly Business Class and not First. Oh wait, Virgin will give me tickets for free anyway! Chuckles to self.
Talking of flying, I have that trip to Barcelona next week. I must check my schedule. Not sure I can then make breakfast with Dior, as I think I will be somewhere over the Atlantic, heading to L.A. or was it New York? Oh, that’s next month! Duh!
Bugger! I need a dress for that ball, the one I have to wear my new Chanel shoes too. I must pick up a dress to match the shoes.
Blogger checks account balance…..
So budget for the dress £5,000. Lovely, I should get something half decent for that. Hell, if I wear the Chanel shoes, CC may just supply me with a dress. And bag. And earrings. Cheeky if I ask for a matching evening jacket? Maybe I’ll ask to borrow only the dress.
The 5 grand I (potentially) save, well maybe that means I can go on my 5th trip to the Maldives this year or stay in Dubai at The Atlantis.
Blog content. What shall I publish next? Photos of me swanning around in that fancy mansion? What about the shot munching on a croissant with my perfectly manicured fingers and £400 silk PJ’s? My hair looks great in that picture and the makeup is on point. Seriously can my cheekbones look any more chiselled. Perfection!
Shit! I can’t publish those pictures they are meant to be for the launch of that new YSL foundation. They would have worked a treat on my blog and fitted perfectly into my perfect Instagram feed. The colours and tones to the photos would have slotted in a treat.
Cogs are now in overdrive. Lightbulb!!!
It’s got to be the beach shots. Oh shit, where was it from??? Ummmmmmm (long thinking time whilst twirling freshly painted nails around tousled hair) Miami! That’s it. Perfect bikini shots. My stomach looks sooooo flat and the colour of that two piece certainly flatters my skin tone. I look bronzed! Goddess-like!! God, I’m hot! But FFS my roots need doing. I must book that free appointment, they need to disappear! Now!
Must say, that bikini was only £200. I’ll stick that on my shop on my blog, save readers searching for the link. See I’m uber-helpful like that! Maybe they’ll just be able to ‘pick one up too!’ £200 to look so hot, well that’s a bargain right? Anyone would pay that to look that good!
Cheap as chips! God, I wish I could eat chips. Covered in cheese. Or at least some kind of carbs. Tarquin at the gym (he’s my P.T.) he would be horrified. As he tells me ‘carbs are the enemy’.
Talking of my shop or ‘shop the post’. That’s filling up quite nicely. There are tonnes of links for fashionistas to click on, I’m quite sure (thinking flippantly) that many of my readers will be able to pick many items up – there’s a lot of trend-led pieces at around £100 (and upwards).
I’d love to know what you think, as always please leave a comment below.